Us Against Them: Two Types of People in the World

There are no right or wrong life choices when it comes to musical taste, except when it comes to Justin Bieber.

This is why under normal circumstances people are either Beliebers or Non-beliebers.

These pictures show you that there’s more than one way to differentiate people. You may find yourself choosing one or both, or hoping to become the other. But remember that the choices you make determine your happiness. Only you are in control of your own entertainment.  Carpe diem!

Check out these split personalities and see what you are! Hashtag totally relatable.

Introvert or Extrovert?

One’s got an icicle up her bum, but she’s the adult of the household. She’s the realist. She’ll give you handy advice about lasting relationships and long life- you can’t marry a man you just met!

This queen can create and control toiletries and alcogels. She’ll use her abilities to create a winter wonderland for the children in the household which includes the whole lot.

The other is the poor romantic, who has no clue about the pandemic.

This one won’t last the week. She’ll go through the grocery supply within a week thinking it’s a picnic. That’s supposed to last the family a month! She’s also the type to give her hand to Trump. It’s true love if he hands out a $1000-subsidies. 

Anna, what do you know about true love?

Flexible or Trying to be Flexible?

We find different things attractive. Agility, competence, and proficiency are admirable, especially when doing the worm.

But the second one captured our hearts. There’s nothing as alluring as seeing someone we can relate to and who has the childish honesty to have it recorded and uploaded online. Grr. You go, girl! Have those paws out and ready to snipe the ball. We’ll be rooting for your team to win all sets.

Trick or Treat

There are those who honor the souls on Hallow-mas, and those who treat it like it’s strip night.

For those who take Halloween seriously, it’d be your local purge without the gore and the violence.

If you prefer treats, it’d be a mix of eye-candies everywhere you go. Simply peer through the blinds and wait for that bell to ring. The real treat is that her breasts really can tell the weather. It’s going to be humid and hot by the time that party is over

Mum or Dad

Who doesn’t love a baby pic with mum or dad in it? They’re proudly showing their children off at a time the latter knew nothing of anything. That’s unconditional love right there. We hope those kids reciprocate that degree of affection, right after seeing these pictures.   

What was that? Nutrition and support! Told you that in this world there are either mums or dads. We know. Dads can be gross!

Tamed or Untamed

Ever observed how different a tamed animal is when placed in the wild, or vice versa. It’s not a laughing matter; neither is this COVID quarantine for extroverts and introverts.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is the mental health progression of an extrovert. They go into isolation, all happy and optimistic, thinking it’s like the weekend. There’s video chat, and the weekly supply run so it won’t be all that bad. Then they’re doing Tao Chi and planning on tearing the house down after 48 hours.

Introverts are the opposite. You’d keep away from them because they’re doing Tao Chi at break time. Although you find them harmless, you distrust them. It’s odd to see them smile for no reason. Who does that? Facetime them after 48 hours, and you might find them likeable in their natural habitat.

Socially Famous

You believe that your e-mail is meant for logging unto gaming platforms, and reading free web articles.

Your email address has been a decade old…Thank God you had the common sense to keep it simple and respectable. No aliases, no body parts involved. Hence, you didn’t have to change it upon landing the job.  You treat all your e-mails as spam and delete them by hundreds.

On the other hand, others run businesses and rely largely on company e-mails- bb, cc, and bcc. They read it per day and have internal meltdowns every five minutes. 

Steve Jobs vs Everyone Else

There are the geniuses and the sheep.

The geniuses don’t need to go to school like the rest of us. Teach them the basics and they’ll survive. Teach them the alphabet and they’ll be able to solve trigonometric equations after Z.

The current educational system fails to teach basic life skills. So one Reddit user gave sound advice,

And there are days we would have agreed. But skills are skills. They’re learned and honed over the years, under the sculpting of mentors.

Even the most illustrious individuals went through their share of failures, in school and at work, so that shouldn’t be a reason to stay illiterate.

Normal People and Sociopaths

When dating, check to see if your partner is a sociopath by the way he eats his chocolate.

Casually give it to him while you have him wait for you. He’ll be waiting out front for 30 minutes while you finish your make-up routine. Date him if he eats like the one on the right.

That’s a keeper. He had come to the date with quite an appetite. Ditch the one who eats chocolate like the picture on the left. In these times, only sociopaths eat chocolate without hand-washing. Stay COVID-free.

Pizza Lovers

These two are pizza lovers, but both differ when it comes to crust. One devours the pizza in its entirety, but the other devours based on taste. For the former, pizza is pizza. The crust is meant to cleanse the palate. It’s the break between the dinner courses. It’s the tea between the last plate and dessert.

For the other, pizza is only meant to be enjoyed. It ought to be topped with several condiments, leaving no space for waste. And should there be crust, the least the Italians could do is to stuff cheese or sausage in it.

Have a Lay

It’s one of the most awaited events of senior high. You can’t have a zit or be a pound heavier for different reasons. You either have to look stunning in that high- slit dress or have capacity room for all that junk at the party

Atta girl! You don’t need a man to satisfy your needs. Just pop a pack, or head unto the long table. There’ll be punch and sweets. Going to college is the real score!

 Twerking or Eating?

When you are at a party, you’re confronted with two types of girls. Both are having the time of their life.

One is twerking, while the other is munching. It would depend on your priorities and expectations to approach one of the two.

You could go in and have a dirty grind, or have your fingers dirty while you sit on the couch and chill. Hell, by the end of the night you might not even end up approaching either. We’d go straight for the pizza box.

That’s a steal!

Scary or Not Scary?

Your friends have suggested “Antebellum”. They say it’s this season’s most anticipated movie. You distrust them. After all, they’ve recommended that you watch all the instalments of Fifty Shades. You sorely regret that. So you go online, type in the keywords and hit search.

You do a double-take. You went from “aww” to “aww hell no” real quick.

It wasn’t scary until a white kid appeared. Maybe the trailer isn’t that bad. It’s worse. You’re confused and engaged. What is going on? They did tell you it’s this season’s most awaited film. 

Your Vs You’re

Life is simple for the first lot. These are the Napoleons, the Magellans, the ruthless colonizers. Everything can be owned. Your, you’re, mine, ours- are all possessory adjectives.

For others, to contract incorrectly is a form of disrespect. They know there’s a huge difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you’re shit for lacking grammar skills.

They have a particular set of skills- skills they have acquired over a very long career as grammar Nazis. If you rephrase your sentence now, that’ll be the end of it, if you don’t, they will find you and kill you.

2 Kinds of Parents

In an emergency, people will flock to the scene. Many will crane their necks to see the degree of damage. Are there any people hurt? How many casualties are there? How has this occurred? How can it be prevented? Who’s making that awful head banging sound?

You’ll be met with two types of baby boomers. One will be the empathetic, kindly neighbour who’s concerned with getting that kid out of that mess; the other will be more concerned about that head being cooked for dinner. That ought to serve him right.

Two Kinds of Advice

When you’re caught between choosing two men, remember these twin pieces of advice.

You don’t have to choose. That’s good counsel there. One’s just basic physiology. It’s a mere preparation.

You could get the rush as an after-effect. That’s your hormones flooding the system and making you feel happy. It’s a best-fit when you’re both contented and you see yourself growing with him.   

Good Omen or Bad Omen?

You’re cast in a six-episode miniseries with an angel and a demon. You’re the eleven-year-old at the junction of bringing the end of days or redemption to mankind. On an uneventful morning, you reminisce.

Your guardians take their time replying. One thinks it’s hellish enough to have been swapped away at birth, while the other is optimistic that you’ve done well your whole life. Oddly enough, their replies are domestically relatable- like a married couple.

Life-Changing

This is why parenthood is a decision. It’s no longer a life milestone.

You have the wide-eyed parents who understand and possibly magnify the ripple effect. If that glass bottle is knocked over, it’ll fall and break on the floor.

They’ll spend a couple of minutes cleaning it up, and by then their child will be in tears. They’d have to soothe them, and within those five minutes, their child could have learned the first few letters of the alphabet in class. What will he end up now?

Then some remind us why parenthood should be planned. Let them experiment and uncover the mysteries of the universe, so long as they take the pill too.

Single or Multiple Plots

Oh is that the truth serum? Uzman unsheathes the syringe holding a compound. The benefactor claims it will make you “subjectable” and “highly responsive”. That’s truth serum.

You’re told it’s not, and you sarcastically say “Oh right.” Uzman administers it and you’re adamant it is truth serum. You’re asked where Scott Lang AKA Ant-man is. You cock your head and choose between two divergent pathways.

See that’s complicated. When I first met Scotty, he was in a bad place…And now you’re just rambling with fast-paced images flashing on the screen.

You hear you’re like a human jukebox, and you recount a ballad of songs. You’re redirected to his whereabouts. After five minutes of continuous rambling, you answer Scott Lang is literally in the woods.

With You or At You?

You stubbed your toe. You woke up late. The team needed recruits and you were the only one left out. Thankfully, you have friends to speak to.

One would empathize with you and run their hand across your back. They might even hug you for a few minutes and rant about the injustices of the world. The other would laugh with you, or even at you.

These mean friends go with the flow and can adjust with the changing current. They’ll teach you that amidst all the things that are beyond our control, our mindset and our happiness are within ours.

Single or Multiple Alarms

You know you’re not a morning person so you take precautions. Whether or not your phone has a snooze function, you’ll set several alarms a few minutes apart. Because life is never easy for a meme lord.

And even when you’ve managed to wake up, you’re still lagging behind your morning schedule. You turn to look at the clock, and see that you’re an hour late!

On the other hand, socially responsible people take only 2 minutes to set an alarm, and less to stand up.  You both forget you’re on quarantine. No one’s getting out of the house at 7 am sharp.

Multitask or Single Tab?

Before you browse through computers and laptops, you should look at this

You’d be well guided to choose the RAM capacity based on the number of tabs open, and the websites loaded on each.

Just like this quarter, you’re headed for a crash. You’d also have to consider your internet provider’s browsing speed. Because you might end up playing T-rex run more often than you want to.

Hate or Love

This is that guy in the pub who’s sitting at the far end. Everyone knows better to keep a 2-meter radius from him, even if the beer is on the house. Dare look at him and you’ll be met with his bio.

You wouldn’t have to worry about figuring where you stand. We’re all on equal footing. So go grab a beer. There’s no winning this guy over. We’ve all tried.

Pilot or Storm Trooper?

When your supplies have been flushed down the hole, you’d have to don that mask and head to the local supply mart.

You climb the stairs, twist the knob and enter the codes. A hiss of cool air hits you. Your eyes take a moment to adjust to the neon lights. You squint as you assess the protective gear you’ll be wearing for today’s battle.

If your wife comes along, you’ll man the star fleet of the COVID resistance. Otherwise, you’ll be the main ground force agent going through the grocery aisles and lining up the produce by the debit section.  

Gym Buff or Dorito Buff?

There are different ways to cope with this Quarantine season. Both use it productively to gain weight. One wants to gain muscle mass. The other wants a beer belly.                                                       

We wouldn’t mind a routine sweat every now and then. Let those endorphins flood your system. We’re all going to have to go through hell, worse than any nightmare we’ve ever dreamed. But when it’s over we’ll be left standing- with pounds of mass or fat.

Buffet Person or Buffet Person

This is the nouveau riche. You know you’ve hit the golden ticket when your life motto is

No more setting appointments. No more cancellations. No more call-ins. No more reservations. You get first-class dining, on-site every time, wherever you go around the world.

Whether ordering that white truffle butter-infused Wagyu beef or the Frozen Haute Chocolate Ice Cream standing at $25,000, you don’t have to sweat having that card swiped – no limits.

People Person or Plant Person

You’re at a party and your host gives you a tour of the house. It’s well ventilated with tall ceilings and lots of breathing room. She lives in the city so there aren’t any gardens, but she keeps plants. They’re all thriving and well- luxuriating in the sunlight and glowing a healthy hue.

Then there’s us.

We’re plant people. Sadly, the plants we keep and tend for aren’t people people, or people plants. That makes two of us. We’re not people-people either. It’s hard to socialize and keep up with social pleasantries.

Good or Bad

Life values determine our fate in life. Some people continually assess themselves to get better. We may not always get everyone’s vote of confidence, but we unconsciously attract to ourselves who we are, and that’s why they’re careful of the energy they emit.  

Others attract people with the same degree of spontaneity and impulse control.

Why does this book seem like a Deathnote in the making? With that humour, he shouldn’t be surprised about having to read his stand-up comedian-friends’ roasts.

Kids Vs Adults

This image shouldn’t be disturbing if you’re below ten, and you don’t have net at home. You’re thirsty for the good life, and you’re going with Milo.

You know you’re an adult if think otherwise. Let’s face it, we grew up faster because of the tons of unsolicited information online.

Music or Soul Lover?

If it weren’t for that design, we would cite this plate by the letter. Keep it wholesome for the officer.

It’s good that she had her plate customized because that robin put everything into context.

Squeaky clean, virtuous and pure- she has to be a music lover. Who doesn’t love jazz? There’s even one type that stirs the soul. Every tap, hit or blow thrust into that instrument strikes at the very core of your being. And by the end, there’s a certain release. You’d be Moanin’ with Art Blakey.

Readers vs Defilers

Better have that holy water ready. Call the priest and schedule an exorcism STAT. In this room is a defiler- a master of cult magic and destruction. Offer to hold Father’s bible for ease in reading.

It is unthinkable to read without using a bookmark. Bend or fold and you will lay waste to pulp. That is a misuse of print. That is basic sacrilege! And the demon must be cast out before anything is read again.

Tipper or Dine and Ditch?

Mindsets make or break us. But when it comes to men and dating, anonymity is generally a disadvantage.

It’s hard to score a date or a lay when you’re going through the tides of women who come and go. That is until another guy discusses the advantage of being unseen.

We highly discourage that you steal from them unless it’s stealing unwanted attention and unsolicited numbers on tissue papers.

Those women are working 12-hour long shifts, and managing the whole length of the bar. They’ll have you to thank for when you grant them an act of kindness. Best believe, they’ll be more accommodating the second time you come around to visit.

Dating Men or Boys

When it comes to men, there are those who “go with the flow”. They’re consistent and as time goes by, their efforts only get better.

Then there are those with suave de Sades. These are those who come on strong and disappear when things get rough. It could be due to a mismatch of expectations or a breakdown in communication. Whatever it is, he finishes first, and quicker in passing time. Then he goes extinct.

Taxi or Uber?

Some are always on the run and prefer having to call a taxi like they do in NYC. They don’t mind stuffing themselves in seats that have a history of bodily fluids.

They trust their drivers do routine disinfection, or they simply don’t have data subscriptions like the ones who book rides online.

The second group prioritizes safety. They prefer privately-owned cars, and would only carpool with people within their pay rate. When in a rush, premium has got their back.

Bury or Flush

Thick-skinned- these are those who can stop by the highway shoulder, squat and relieve themselves without hesitation. There’s nothing as liberating as being one with the great outdoors. They’ve never been troubled about the lack of toiletries. They have a shovel in the compartment or scoot dirt over it. Bury, not flush.

On the other hand, the civilized are quick to spot restrooms and gas stops. They reward themselves with snacks and chips on the way out.

You can rely on them to wash their hands. No water or soap? These folks would rather turn the knob with a 20-dollar bill and ditch it than go bare against the metal.

Vaper or Non-Vaper?

These are the only kinds of liars- lawyers or vapers. Lawyers present their defence citing secondary sources, and get away with it; graduate students can’t. They also get paid by the hour having their staff do their research. Credits go to them. Vapers on the other hand deceive.

We thought we smelled a unicorn and a happy ending. Now we just see smoke and not enough nicotine content to purge the vaper.

Actor or Handyman

Which Johnny do you like? How do they differ? Pronunciation, you say? We like to think it goes beyond that. It goes deeper than that. Both are professional actors and famous internet personalities. Both have won several awards, and have production companies. But while the first has won the Golden Globe Award for Best Actor, the second has won the AVN Award for Male Performer of the Year.

Johnny Depp is known for his long, illustrious career. Johnny Deep AKA Sins is known for his wide array of roles- his thrust into corporate management, construction and plumbing. We think they’ll last long…in their respective industries.

Chef or Instant Noodle Person?

The few cooks in the world are those who were raised properly. Either that or they grew up having to take care of themselves. During this quarantine, lifehack is serving them well. You wouldn’t want to burn the house down while you’re in it.

The fast-diners have gotten accustomed to take-outs and dine-ins. There’s no palatable difference between a microwaved casserole and baked lasagna. They’re probably hoping that the COVID vaccine is discovered soon because they’re not going to last the month re-heating pasta shells.

Books and Film Adaptations

It seems that there’s not much originality in Hollywood anymore. Screenplays are now film adaptations of books. You have “The Silence of Lambs”, “The Godfather”, “The Hunger Games”, “Game of Thrones” and the 9-year enterprise,

For some, film adaptations ruin the fun of reading. Budgets limit on-screen time and conversations which portray the emotional depth of characters.  Others prefer watching it on the big screen because they’ll cover days of reading in just over two hours.

Apples: Sking or Without Skin?

Do you eat with skin or without it?

It depends. If there’s running water and soap, we can eat it with skin. If there’s none, it’s better to cut the apple into slices and nibble the fruit or have them peeled.

Either way, it’s sweet and tangy. It brings back pleasant memories of our childhood and the privilege of carelessness- rubs it on your shirt and take a bite! They say it keeps the doctor away, but we wouldn’t mind someone coming over to have an apple to share with.

Sarcastic or Play it Cool?

This is that guy in the pub who’s sitting at the far end. Everyone knows better to keep a 2-meter radius from him, even if the beer is on the house. Dare look at him and you’ll be met with his bio.

You wouldn’t have to worry about figuring where you stand. We’re all on equal footing. So go grab a beer. There’s no winning this guy over. We’ve all tried.

Shorts or Parkas

You’re caught between the length and layers of clothing. You can’t tell if it’s because you live on the West Coast, that’s why you’re laid-back and you could look good in denim, sweat suits or cotton clothing.

But others do fashionably well despite having a multitude of layers to unload when they clock in for work, or when they arrive at home.

 Making the Team: Which are You?

Some are well into their adulthood, but some are still awaiting puberty. And some have just learned how to skip rope, and can brace the impact.

High school can be rough. It depends if the going drags you to the dirt on the field or in the hallways. We know there’s a thing such as karma. High school, like most men, never last too long. It runs out of appeal, and sooner or later we start valuing grit and empathy. These help us achieve goals.

How do you inspire others to work with you in achieving this dream? Definitely, not by bullying.

Ice Cool or Melting Cream

When it’s summer you can expect two kinds of people. There are those who are eager to bathe in the sun and have relatively stable body temperatures, and then there’s those who just melt.

The Cool ones dare to drink coffee or tea in the heat. We don’t know how they can manage to look good in nylon sweatpants.

Doesn’t it stick? By the time you get home, everything’s plastered. Is this a mache of some kind? The other is sponsored by sports drinks. They’re game for a bottle of electrolytes and fluids, and like those drinks, they are best kept chilled.

Classics Vs Rips

You’re not allergic to dust so you can frequent vinyl dumps and surplus stores. When you rent your own flat, you plan to buy a classic gramophone or a high-end turntable. You value the classics and you’d pay a bucketload for a collector’s item. You treat music as the art that it is.

Meanwhile, others want their music on the go. They rely on music players to rip the songs and download them on their phones. They don’t worry about a sound system- a Bluetooth speaker will do.

Kids or Adults

When you’re a kid, everything’s good so long as the images are moving, the sound is audible, and the good guys are winning. But when you review those tapes as an adult, you’ll see much innuendo your innocent mind breezed through.

In Frozen, no one could thaw our hearts as well as Olaf. We think he’s cute.

Then there are people like this- people who change your perception of Disney films forever. Never bring them on your first view. Have them watch with you on the second- sort of a director’s cut.