40+ Technically True Posts That We Unfortunately Can’t Disagree WithBy Kimiko I
English is one of the most colorful languages in the world. Come to think of it, when speaking English, most people speak in metaphors, idioms, or simply think metaphorically. Some of the most influential literature, poems, and short stories were written in English. They made their mark because of the way these authors, such as Ernest Hemingway, strung their words together in the most eloquent and graceful way possible. But, there are times when we are just not thinking straight and have a tendency to take things a little too literally. Sometimes, it goes beyond face value. And then, when we really step back and scratch our heads, we find that thought was pretty hilarious, no matter how outrageous. Here are 45 examples of when people took the English language a little too literally.
My spider sense is tingling
As a kid growing up watching Spider-Man on Saturday morning cartoons, people thought Spider-Man’s spidey senses were just amazing instincts. Now that those 90s children are all grown up and close to thirty, they’re starting to come up with a different interpretation of those senses. That interpretation is anxiety.
With 90s children having lived through two wars, a pandemic, social media pressure, being overworked, underpaid, and starting their lives in student-loan debt, anxiety, and depression are at an all-time high. They have a more adult interpretation of some of the realities that this fictional character may have endured.
Truth stands alone
Unfortunately, actors can’t tell when a movie is a complete flop while filming it. This may have something to do with the fact that a crew largely edits the final movie that we see in theaters, and many of the awesome scenes have probably been cut out.
Unfortunately, he got a troll to reply to his thread saying they didn’t like the movie. But, as always, the replies are phenomenal. This guy decided to make the troll aware that he technically has never met that person, making this a hilarious thread.
Bad for your teeth
When asked what is potentially bad for your teeth, people may think strawberries, Twizzlers, or some other red snack that’s full of sugar that can be purchased at a movie theater. Unfortunately, there is someone out who likes to put bricks in their mouths. This person must have definitely learned the hard way that a brick is bad for your teeth.
The problem is, the answer is correct. It’s just not the answer that anybody was expecting. But the first step to dealing with a problem is admitting that you have one in the first place, and this person definitely has a problem eating clay and bricks.
The perfect photo op
Being a guy named Scott definitely has its perks because sometimes you can have an entire geographical location named after you right next to the Pacific Coast Highway. This is especially funny because the name of this location is Scott’s Head, and the guy who decided to take a selfie is Scott, and he made sure the arrow was pointing directly at his own head.
As if all of his Facebook and Instagram followers were not going to already know that he was Scott and that was his head, he just has to capture a nice large green freeway sign pointing directly at him courtesy of the State’s government.
A big country fan
Imagine getting the words country and country mixed. One of them is a noun, and the other is a verb. When taking a woman out on a date, she expressed that she is a huge country fan (country music). This guy thinks that he is a geography expert suddenly, trying to make her feel special by commenting on China. That’s not what she’s talking about.
This guy would have had a better chance of mentioning Carrie Underwood or Blake Shelton. At least the poor guy tried. But next time, it may be prudent to understand that there are 196 countries globally, but only one genre of country music, and it is all American.
Running is probably one of the most confusing things that a person would ever have to train for. So many people run to go absolutely nowhere. But then, there are also bragging rights when it comes to running. Some people like to run the fastest, and some people like to brag that they can run the most miles.
This woman wore an amazing shirt that says that she is “faster than the speed of something slower.” This is a perfect comeback for bragging about speed. And the reality is not many of us care about running, nor do we care about how fast we’re going. The weight loss process is hard enough.
For the rest of your life
Would you ever believe you can live your life without eating? All of the people who have been dying to lose weight would love to hear this secret. Could it be juicing? Could it be taking multivitamins 3 times a day? Could it be living off of protein shakes? Or is it the simple fact that if you starve yourself for three weeks, you will eventually die, so technically those 3 weeks are the last ones of your life?
This comment made by qalaxyqirl is genius. Now it’s time for all the readers to go and see a nutritionist and stop thinking about becoming anorexic and starving themselves to lose weight. The pictures in the magazines are photoshopped. People don’t actually look like that, and we and the younger generations need to be more aware of this.
That’s a lot of wisdom
This person may have been bullied for having the face of a horse but decided to clap back to their social media trolls by saying that it’s pronounced that this woman is an actual horse because she so happens to have hooves.
Instead of being offended by the horse comment, this person decided to make their bullies feel dumb for comparing a woman to a horse in the first place. That’s a pretty insulting gesture. Not only that, but a person would have to be blind to confuse the two. Good job to this woman. It’s time someone gave those bullies and trolls a run for their money.
Born at an incredibly young age
There is the birth, and then there is when a person is born. That may sound confusing, but some people believe that the moment you were born is the moment that you wake up and realize who you are and what you want to do in this world. This social media post maker let the world know that he was born at an incredibly young age.
However, one of his followers decided to say that to his English teacher almost kicked him out of class. Sometimes, it’s best to keep that kind of fun on social media, not in the academic Institution. This guy probably got a phone call home too.
Crushing that test
With so many Americans whose histories have been lost, people turn to DNA companies to find out more about their true heritage. This is kind of interesting considering there really is only one race which is the human race. And technically, all humans share the same history from Genesis in West Africa all the way to the Revolution in America.
However, one guy decided to brag that his DNA test results confirmed that he is human and has DNA. Who needs to spend $100 to find out exactly where all of their ancestors came from when confirmation that a person is a member of the human race is all we need. Very clever, sir.
Short and sweet
There’s a strategy, and then there’s just plain old common sense. The problem with common sense is that it’s not that common. But, when in doubt, stick to your instincts. Someone decided to write that the evacuation plan in case of any emergency inside a building was to run.
However, usually in an office setting, chances are some older employees are working. Considering all they do is sit down all day long, running may not be an option. The problem is, the Post-it note that the evacuation plan was written on wasn’t big enough to write ‘speed walk,’ so run will have to do.
The robot planet
Mars is considered Planet B after the large corporations have gone ahead and wiped out every single natural resource on the Earth. NASA has been sending drones out to Mars just to transmit back the information that they are receiving from Mars to see if there are signs of water, life, and if it will be a viable place for people to live after Earth is unsustainable to support human life.
Unfortunately, what NASA truly ended up doing is creating a planet entirely inhabited by robots. Imagine that. Conspiracy theorists thought that robots would take over the world, they just didn’t know which world that is, and currently, that world is Mars.
Extra points for creativity
Someone obviously didn’t do their studying before their history lesson, but yet still managed to come up with what is somewhat of a correct answer. When a school in Washington did not receive aid during a war, he put that Washington did not receive aid from Godzilla.
He is not wrong, considering Godzilla didn’t come out until the 1960s, and George Washington was the first American President in 1776. ‘A’ for effort, but next time, this kid may want to quite literally do his research before taking a test. It may be a good idea to pay attention to the teacher and class as well.
Acoustic pixel art
It gets really annoying when you tried everything to try to get something to work, and nothing seems to work, and then you go to somebody asking them for advice, and the first thing that comes out of their mouth is, “well, have you tried XYZ.” No, gee, didn’t think about that.
But you know that it was one of the 20 things that were already on your list of things to do to try to troubleshoot the issue, and it didn’t work, and you were hoping that someone would have had an option 21 instead of going back to number 15. This image shows exactly what it’s like to have to deal with that.
Commas are important
Commas are indeed important when putting them in a sentence. But, when a person is an English-language learner, they may have trouble understanding the difference between a comma, which is punctuation, and a coma. Punctuation isn’t the only thing that matters, but apparently, spelling does too.
One guy decided to post on social media just how important it was to understand that ‘commas are important in a sentence,’ and so are comas to accurately describe the state that one of his classmates is going to be in if he keeps rushing. Exciting play on words and spelling. Touché.
Don’t do it
Usually, when someone tells you not to do something, it’s because there’s a surprise waiting for you if you do. Good or bad. That’s not the case in this scenario. This arcade usually closes at 9 p.m. So why would a person think to call this number at 3 a.m.? What is going on at 3 in the morning that the first thought in someone’s mind after they wake up is to call Chuck-E-Cheese.
Well, come to find out, it’s a bad idea to call Chuck E cheese at 3 in the morning because they are closed. Duh. But honestly, this person has some serious anxiety about a child’s upcoming birthday party to wake up at 3 in the morning thinking they were going to schedule a party.
Give this person an A
If you’re driving 80 miles an hour, how long will it take you to travel 80 miles? Usually, the answer is 1 hour. Simple enough. Well, this guy really thought he would get an A on his test when he saw a question that said how long it would take for a person to cross a bridge that takes 30 minutes to cross. Naturally, his answer was 30 minutes. Unfortunately, that was not the correct answer.
This appeared to be one of those trick questions the math teacher always wants to put at the end of the test. The teacher should give him a good grade just because she didn’t word the question correctly. That has been known to happen. Or at least bell curve the score because we are pretty sure that plenty of other students in the class got the answer wrong also.
My dog is a circle
In the land of spoiled rotten pets, seeing a dog lie around like a little rolie polie is quite a common sight. Now, it’s prevalent for a little boy to always want a dog. Think about all the things that they can do to have fun with their little pet. Things like running around, playing catch, playing frisbee, or just regular roughhousing, dogs are truly a man’s best friend.
But this kid decided to write about his dogs in class for an assignment that his first-grade teacher gave him, and all he could say was that his dog is round. I think it’s safe to say that this dog is lazy and all he does is eat because this kid is getting absolutely no playtime with this chubby chunker.
Tell it to the judge
How can a person get in trouble for something that they did not do? Well, the answer is plagiarism. Technically, if a person plagiarizes a newspaper, magazine article, or book and puts their name on it, they can get into a lot of trouble because, at the end of the day, they are not the author of the original content.
This is definitely a game-changer when it comes to guilt and fault. Technically, the person who wrote this poster board on the side of the road is not wrong. Unless, of course, we point out the fact that they did copy and paste everything from the text onto the new document. So this sign is rather correct.
Practically a travel writer
Again, we have a person who doesn’t know what Google is. Instead of going online to learn how to book a trip to Spain, considering the flight cost, hotel, food, clothes, and toiletries, they decided to ask on social media how much people paid to go to Spain. It’s times like these that it’s best to just rush to the comment section.
One of the responses was classic. Well, thanks, Captain Obvious, we are actually talking about flying into Spain from another country. But, even that depends on where you are coming from. Let’s just go ahead and assume this person is American and was asking about a flight.
That escalated quickly
Nail-biting is a horrible habit that can make a person’s nails look ugly and their breath smell very stinky. Mothers have tried putting hot sauce on a child’s finger to stop the biting process, using acrylic nails that are so tough that if a person bit into them, they wouldn’t actually break off.
This person asked on social media what would be the best way to stop nail-biting, and someone decided to put a very unnecessary response that maybe this person should just go ahead and amputate their arms, getting rid of the nail so that the problem would be fixed. This guy might want to stick to his day job because comedy doesn’t seem to be working out for him.
Tiny clothes are tiny
It’s interesting how people who don’t have kids try to explain the correct way to raise them. Things like how to dress them, how to feed them, and how to discipline them seem to be expert topics for childless people. When one person went online asking for an explanation for baby clothes, someone said, “Well, baby clothes are smaller than children’s clothes and definitely smaller than adults’ clothes.”
That’s not what they meant. Any mother can confess that shopping around for baby sizes is difficult because you may have a child that is 6 months old but already wears a 12-month onesie. The size of the clothes is supposed to correspond with their age, but we all know children grow at their own rate.
At least 10 ducks
There is a picture circulating on social media showing an entire clan of ducks walking through a city in China. One person decided to comment on the photos stating that there were at least 10 ducks. Even though this person is not wrong, 10 is definitely an understatement.
There are more than 10 dozen if anything. Now we know that ducks breed so much that we can see an entire congregation of them walking down the freeway one day in the world’s most heavily populated country. Luckily, the people driving in traffic and riding their bicycles are very conscientious of the little birds and have decided to let them keep walking.
A rough estimate
Isn’t science fun? For a science experiment, a class created a gigantic sphere that represented the Sun and very tiny blue styrofoam balls that represented the Earth just to show exactly how many Earths can fit inside of our large sun.
It was an exercise to give students an idea of size. After looking at the picture, it’s undeniable that there are hundreds of Earths inside of that sun, but for some people who need glasses, they took one look at the image and thought there are at least 12 in there. Maybe 12 x 120, but we give you an E for effort.
From north to south
What goes up must come down, but what goes right doesn’t always have to go left. When looking at a globe, someone noted that if you go far enough North, eventually, you’ll be going south. Picture traveling from North America to the North Pole only to get to the top and then have to travel South to Russia.
Seriously though, this person had to have been smoking something or drinking something that caused them to think about these random thoughts and post them on social media. This may be confusing for some adults, but the reality is first graders could figure this out.
Thinking outside the box
This kid definitely missed a few days of school when the teacher was explaining the assignment. It seems like teachers can go on and on for weeks explaining the same thing to drill it into the kids’ minds, but unfortunately, after a while, the kids just tune out.
When the teacher asked the students to write a list of vocabulary words in alphabetical order, the student decided to write each individual letter in alphabetical order. For example, for the word ‘like,’ he wrote e, i, k, and l. He is either lazy, brilliant, or confused. Either way, we think the teachers would still give him an A.
Kudos to him, but also
It’s hard to find out what a person wants to do after retirement. Some people who have lived to see old age in the 21st century came from a time before child labor laws existed and started to work as early as 13 years old. What happens at the age of 67 when a person is retired, the kids are grown up, and the house is paid off?
Many of our elders have taken to fitness to keep their bodies strong to live longer. Someone decided to post a picture of a 104-year-old man running a marathon and captioned it, “what’s your excuse.” One commenter had the perfect response. This guy has had “more time to train” than the rest of us. Technically, he’s not wrong.
It’s the moment of truth, shark!
Sharks can swim up to 33 miles per hour in the ocean, so if someone is swimming and a shark comes around, they are lunch. But, if a shark tried to run on land, even the slowest human would be able to beat it, but the odds wouldn’t be in the shark’s favor because he can’t breathe outside of the water. So, who do we think would win in a bicycle contest?
Well, one guy decided to go ahead and dress his bike up like a shark. When did Party City start selling shark costumes for bicycles? If there were ever a bet between a former swimmer and this ‘shark’ in a bicycle contest, people would probably bet a lot of money on the shark.
A social distancing selfie
It’s funny when people bet they can do something that they probably can’t do, but there’s always some sort of slick way to get away with it. This football fan decided to bet his friends that he could get a picture with their home team’s star player. Of course, the friends laughed and thought it was a joke, but this guy had a creative way of winning his own bet.
All the way from the nosebleed section, he took a selfie wherein the background on the field was the star player of the team trying to make a goal. Technically, he was right. He did take a selfie with the guy. It just wasn’t the close-up that the friends were thinking about.
Bicycle, bicycle, bicycle
Online negotiating can be pretty rough, especially since people are always looking for a bargain. When this bike seller got a text message from a potential customer asking if the bike was still available, we’re pretty certain that the seller was excited to go ahead and get rid of it. But, things took a different turn when someone asked how long how low he would go.
Well, this seller had a different way of handling the situation. He let the potential customer know that the bike could only go as ‘low’ as 2 miles per hour without the person tipping over. That was a very creative response compared to some of the responses we were expecting. Hopefully, this guy knows how not to be so cheap all the time.
There’s definitely a brave felon in town who’s going around stealing the tires off of police cars. When posting a wanted sign, it was pointed out that the police are working tirelessly to catch the guy. Get it? Tire-less. After all, who wouldn’t be tired after chasing a man down on foot.
The police department is one of the most overfunded organizations in any state. We are sure they have insurance that will pay for all four tires stolen from each squad car. Come to think about it, they’re lucky that these crooks didn’t only take three. Otherwise, the insurance probably wouldn’t have paid out.
You can take the woman out of the hood, but you can not take the hood out of the woman. This little sister added a twist to the way she decided to wrap her brother’s Christmas present. And instead of using wrapping paper that just had little Santa Clauses on it, she decided to print black and white images of rappers’ faces, cut them out, and replace Santa Claus’s heads with their faces.
Sometimes, it definitely takes more time to wrap a gift than it does to unwrap it, but this takes dedication to a new level. This “rapping” paper is genius, but we can be sure that what was inside that box probably has something to do with hip-hop entertainment.
Usually, for the sake of public safety, a bus driver would not let an animal from the wild jump on public transportation. Maybe his bus driver felt bad for the poor coyote, maybe it was cold outside, or maybe he intends to take the coyote home and make it a pet.
When someone posted a picture of their fellow passenger on the bus, someone else replied to the picture asking why the coyote was on the bus. To which someone else responded that it was because the coyote can’t drive. While the person is not wrong, it is highly doubtful that the coyote asked the bus driver for a ride to get somewhere.
There are times when a person is not texting back, calling back, and not coming back. Instead of putting up a sign at a store that said, “keep waiting until I get to you,” the shop owner said, “I’ll be back in 10 minutes,” and if he’s not back, go ahead and reread the sign.
There is someone looking at that sign for 5 hours waiting to know when the 10 minutes will be up. Whoever put up that sign sure has an interesting definition of time. Hope he didn’t lose track of it.
Got his mom twice
It is a beautiful thing to see a mother and her son who have the most cliche relationship. It’s even better when a person has a very supportive mom as he comes out as a member of the LGBTQ community. But this text message takes the cake. This mom texts her son to come out, and he replies, “Mom, I’m gay.” She replies that she already knows he’s gay and she’s waiting in the car.
She tries to reiterate that she wants him to “come out to the car,” to which his reply is, “mom, I’m gay.” If the seats could talk, we’re pretty sure the car already knew that also based on what activity may have been going on in the back seat. But, it was a pretty funny exchange of text messages between mom and son.
The dogs don’t know how
Only hardcore dog lovers know exactly what dogs are supposed to eat and what they are not supposed to eat. But, let’s face it, when it comes to man’s best friend, these guys are treated like kids, which is why they are so affectionately named ‘fur babies.’ This wonderful husband decided to make pancakes for him and his wife and then made pancakes for his dogs.
When the wife asks why he thought it would be good to make pancakes for the dogs, he explained that the dogs didn’t know how to make them for themselves. We’re pretty sure she was worried about the carbs and that pancakes are not real dog food.
Changing the date
90’s children are picturing the reruns of Final Destination in their head as we speak. It’s no secret that America has its own rules on everything, including how the date is written for the month. In other countries, people put the day first, the month second, and the year third. But in America, the month goes first, then the day, and then the year.
One person on social media posted that they turned 11 on November 11th, 2011, or 11/11/11, which is also 11/11/11, everywhere else in the world. That is more than a coincidence; that sounds like some witchcraft there. That child was born on that day for a specific reason, and maybe in the future, we will find out why.
Picking up a gallon of milk
This is where the English language will play tricks on a person. Picking up can mean two things. It can mean list, and it can mean go and grab something, like picking up a child from daycare. When asked to pick up a gallon of milk, this roommate decided to pick up the milk and chug it.
The point was to go to the store and purchase a gallon of milk, but it’s safe to say that a person would need to be a little more specific if they want the job to get done. Or get the job done themselves. Either way, it’s safe to say that this roommate shouldn’t be trusted anymore.
He’s making some good progress
This is definitely a weird way to motivate people to keep striving for their goals, but it works. One gentleman went on television to say that he hopes to make it into the Guinness Book of World Records as the oldest living man in the world. That’s something strange, considering that’s not something that he can control, but it’s good to have goals.
So far, at the ripe age of 36, he is now older than three billion people in the world’s population. This is a definite way of showing that progress, not perfection, is the key to achieving one’s goals and that things take time. Life is meant to be enjoyed, not rushed. This is true motivation.
Four-year-old guilt trip
Kids say the darndest things. When this 4-year-old toddler decided to ask her mommy for some candy, the mommy responded that the candy was a gift for her. Now, it is not customary to re-gift a gift. Some people may consider that to be very rude.
But this toddler felt entitled to the gift since she was, in fact, responsible for the reason the mom received it in the first place. The candy was a Mother’s Day gift, and you shouldn’t receive a Mother’s Day unless you are a mom, and you can’t be a mom unless you have a child. Seeing that the four-year-old is the mother’s child, it’s technically her gift, too.
Not the “seconds” they had in mind
This is probably one of the most cheeky responses to a question a person could even ask. Either the person responding missed their cup of morning coffee, or it’s just fun to mess with people. When asked how many seconds there are in one year, instead of Googling it, they put 12 ‘seconds’ or ‘2nds,’ meaning each month has a second day of the month.
Now, the person who responded is not completely at fault. The person asking the question could have googled the information, but they chose to ask someone who, of course, was not going to know right off the top of their head. Sarcasm is not very flattering, but it can definitely be pretty funny.
Not just book smart
As the saying goes, “work smarter, not harder.” Did anyone ever consider that all the teachers in the school are paid the same salary regardless of their tenure? Generally, a high school student really doesn’t care because they can’t stand being inside the school, and the parents don’t care because they are so happy that there is someone to watch their kids while they’re at work.
But the school gym teacher decided to ask his students which teacher they thought was the smartest. Of course, naturally, all the children chose either math or science teachers. The reality is sometimes the smartest answer is the simplest answer. This is pretty genius.
Pointing out the obvious
Sometimes one has to wonder what this world is coming to. For whatever reason, someone posted a picture of a chicken out in nature protecting her babies from the rain by using her feathers. Someone decided to let the world know that the chicken, whose only job is to lay eggs, could not afford an umbrella to protect her children, so she decided to use her wings instead. As valuable as chickens are, they are not valuable because they can afford the resource. They are valuable because they are the resource.
Chickens do not have money, and they are products of nature. It is in their DNA to survive the rain without going crazy like many modern-day fashionistas who don’t want to get their hair wet or crazy people who live in hot temperatures that freak out every time they have to drive in the rain. We are sure this mother chicken will be fine.
The queen of the sea
The battle of the Disney Princesses is on. We’ve got two women now who represent the big bad ocean. One of them is Ariel, who knows what’s going on under the sea. The second is Moana, who is protecting the islands of the sea. So, who is the baddest of them all?
Well, one social media commenter decided to let people know that out of the two, Moana had left her family to save her island, her people, and the ocean. Ariel was just looking for love. Love is not necessarily a bad thing to search for, but because she left the sea and never wanted to come back, she could be with her family on land, making Moana win by default.